I want to start this post by saying that I have never had a miscarriage. I don’t pretend to understand what it feels like, or what someone who has had one must go through. But I have had a lot of friends who have, and I know that it is not talked about nearly as much as it should be. My husband and I struggled with infertility, and I felt so alone in that journey. My goal with this post is not only to give advice on how to help someone who has had a miscarriage, but to create awareness at how common miscarriages and infertility are.

In the last few years, two of my best friends have had miscarriages. Each time, I was absolutely heartbroken for them. One of my biggest fears is to lose a baby, and I couldn’t imagine what they went through. The first time I felt like I had no idea how to help her, and even though I wanted to do what I could, I didn’t know what to do. The second time, I was able to reach out in a few different ways to help care for and comfort her. I know that I was able to help lighten her burden, even just a little bit.

When I first started doing research for this post, I posted on Facebook asking my friends to message me if they felt comfortable sharing their story and what was helpful for them when they had a miscarriage. I had so many people send me messages telling me what it was like for them and what people did that helped them get through it. Miscarriages are so much more common than you might think. Between 10-20% of all known pregnancies end in miscarriage (source). So even though it’s not something people openly talk about, miscarriages happen at least in 1 out of ten pregnancies. I don’t tell you that to scare you, only to make you realize that they aren’t as rare as you might think.

So what do you do when your friend or sister who was so excited to finally be pregnant tells you that they lost the baby? I talked to eight different women who gave me advice on what helped them the most to come up with this list. I am so grateful for their openness with me and that they were willing to talk and share their experiences. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have been able to write this post.

How to help someone who has had a miscarriage

1. Acknowledge that you don’t know what to say

If you haven’t had a miscarriage, you might not know what to say. And you definitely aren’t going to know how they feel. So say that. One of my friends said that when someone told her “I wish I knew what to say,” it was exactly the right thing for her because she was acknowledging that she hadn’t gone through it and she didn’t know what her feelings were like at that time. Which is completely true. Don’t pretend like you know what they are going through. You don’t. And letting them know that will really help.

2. Give them a gift

Another friend told me that she heard of a girl giving someone a flower to plant that would bloom every year so she could remember her lost baby. Something physical to represent the baby that was lost that can be displayed is a great way for them to remember the baby. People who have miscarriages don’t want to forget their baby, no matter how early they lost their baby. It was still theirs. Even making a fleece tie blanket she can wrap herself up in is a simple thing that can make a difference. Other more simple gifts could be a condolence card if you are far away, or even sending flowers can help lift someone’s spirits. Making an effort to try and help can mean the world to someone who has had a miscarriage.

3. Give them a hug

Several of my friends said that receiving hugs really helped them out. Even if you aren’t a huggy person, sometimes just being held can really help. So just stop by and give your friend a hug. Honestly you might not need to do much more than that.

4. Just listen

Don’t try to fix their problem, don’t try and get them to be grateful for their other kids, don’t try to give advice. Just listen to them. Let them talk about how they are feeling, and then be there so they can cry on your shoulder. Husbands are great, but sometimes you need a third party for support. Be that person for someone.

5. Let them know you are thinking about them

Whether you are close or far away, send them a text, give them a call, or just do something to let them know that you are thinking about them. Knowing that people care is going to help them feel loved, and a lot of my friends said that that was what they needed most. So reach out, tell them you are thinking about them, and that will mean a lot to them.

6. Give them some alone time

They might just want to be alone, so ask if you can take their kids for a few hours so they can nap or pay for them to go get pampered somewhere. Sometimes they might just want to think about it by themselves, so let them. Give them a chance to do something for themselves without worrying about anything else. And if you offer and they say no, that’s fine, too. This might not be for everyone, but give them that chance because it might be what they need.

7. Take them out so they can do something normal

Some people might want to distract themselves for a few hours so they can take a break from the pain they are going through. So go out with the girls for ice cream or for hot chocolate. Go get your nails done together. Do something you might do on a girls’ night out. Just be around friends and have fun doing something together.

Losing a baby is not something I would ever wish upon anyone. To those who have gone through one (or several), I am so, so sorry. Always remember that you are not alone, and you are loved.

I want this post to help others know what to do for someone who has had a miscarriage. My heart breaks for everyone who has ever had one. I can’t imagine the pain that accompanies it, and I think it must be even worse because women don’t always feel like they can tell people. We need to take away the stigma that comes with miscarriages, and be more open and supportive. A baby is a baby, whether it is born or not. Please help me share this message by sharing this post. We need to help women who have had a miscarriage know that they are not alone.

Again, I want to say thank you to all of my friends who talked to me for this post. I couldn’t have written this without you.

This post was originally published May 11, 2015.

The post How to Help Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage appeared first on Life With My Littles.

To the couple facing infertility,

I am so sorry. Infertility is one of the most painful, difficult struggles someone can face, and it sucks. I wouldn’t wish infertility on anyone, and I’m so sorry you have to go through it.

I’m sorry that people who haven’t experienced infertility don’t understand. I’m sorry that you have to hear lots of unintentionally hurtful comments about your childless family and how your priorities aren’t in order. 

I’m sorry you weren’t prepared for this. Nobody is ever prepared for infertility, and it’s so painful to get negative pregnancy tests month after month, with little to no explanation why. You always think that having a baby is going to take a few tries and then that’s it, but for many, that’s not the way it goes.

I’m sorry it’s all-consuming. I’m sorry infertility takes hold of you. I’m sorry it’s overwhelming and constant and feels like a nightmare you can’t wake up from. I’m sorry that worrying about getting pregnant is all you can think of.

I’m sorry if you feel like you have to put on a fake smile and give a fake “I’m good” when anyone asks how you are. I’m sorry you can’t feel like you can tell anyone what you’ve been facing. Infertility is so common, but unfortunately people still don’t talk about it enough. 

I’m sorry that infertility treatments are so expensive. I’m sorry that there’s no guarantee that those expensive treatments will work. I’m sorry if you’re one of those without access to insurance coverage for infertility care or the economic means to pay out-of-pocket for treatments. It seems so unfair that most people don’t have to pay anything to make a family when some have to pay so much.

I’m sorry for every friend, family member, or co-worker who gets pregnant while you’re struggling to keep your head above water. I’m sorry that it’s hard to be happy for them, and I’m sorry that you have to watch them experience pregnancy and parenthood while you watch enviously from the sidelines, wishing you could be feeling morning sickness and contraction pain.

I also want you to remember that there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re not being punished, and it’s not your fault that you are faced with this trial. It can happen to first-time parents, second-time parents, or fifth-time parents. Infertility does not discriminate based on sex, race, religion, age, or even socio-economic status, and it certainly doesn’t happen as a result of something you’ve done or did not do in the past. 

You’re going to feel a roller coaster of emotions, if you haven’t already, and you’re allowed to feel all of those feelings. You’re allowed to be angry, sad, jealous, frustrated, stressed, anxious, and exhausted. Acknowledge your feelings and let yourself feel them. You can’t process, grow, or move on from these feelings if you deny or suppress them. 

Remember that you’re not alone. It might feel like you are because infertility doesn’t get talked about as much as it should, but 1 in 8 couples have trouble either getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy (source). You may not even be aware of people close to you who are also struggling. Find a few people you can talk to, share your struggle, and be there for those who are also struggling. You are not alone in this.

Remember to talk to each other, too. Infertility is something you go through together. Stay connected, put each other first, and always treat each other with kindness and respect. Don’t let infertility become a wedge in your relationship.

Remember that there are many ways to make a family. What works for one couple might not be possible for another. As long as you don’t give up, there’s always hope. It might not be through pregnancy, but surrogacy, adoption, and fostering are incredible ways to make a family, too. 

Most importantly, don’t forget that it’s worth it. It’s worth every tear, all the pain from negative pregnancy tests, all the money you spend on creating your family, and every uncomfortable, miserable, depressing, stressful moment. 

I wish you the best of luck, all the love in the world, and hope that one day soon you will experience the joy of holding your own child in your arms.

Sincerely,

Chelsea

I wrote this post as part of National Infertility Awareness Week and the 2019 theme #InfertilityUncovered. Together we can raise awareness about the significant lack of access to family building options and emotional support for millions of women and men struggling to build a family.

The post To the Couple Facing Infertility appeared first on Life With My Littles.

Hey mamas! Welcome to the twenty-seventh post in my Honest Birth series! I’m excited to share another real mama’s birth story, because I think it’s so important to share our childbirth experiences with each other. My goal with this series is to provide a place for women to share their birth stories without holding anything back, as well as compile stories for pregnant mamas to read in preparation for their own childbirth experiences. Every mama is different and every birth is different, and I believe that when we share our stories we help each other.

Today I am featuring Cindy Maudsley! Cindy was born and raised in Littleton, Colorado (my hometown, too!) but now calls Bountiful, Utah home. She has been married for 12 years and has three beautiful daughters. She gets to be a stay-at-home mom, which she loves. She is also a Netflix binge watcher and an avid reader. She loves shopping at Target, dark chocolate, volunteering at church and at her daughters’ school, and spending time with family and friends. Surviving the Columbine High School shooting as a teenager, battling infertility as an adult, and knowing she is a daughter of God has helped her to to look for the good in the world and focus on the tender mercies in her life. Her passion is writing and sharing her heart and soul with others at https://infertilitees.com/. You can find her on Instagram at @infertili.tees and @cindymaudsley. Today she’ll be sharing the birth story of her third baby!

Ready to read her daughter’s story? Let’s do it!

The Birth Story of Ivy Maudsley

I gave birth to my third daughter on January 18th , 2019. She was our biggest baby weighing in at 6 lbs. 15 oz. and she came with a head full of thick, beautiful hair.

We named her Ivy and she immediately stole our hearts.

Ivy’s birth was very much anticipated for many reasons. The main one being that we had to wait seven years for her to join her big sisters. Infertility is something my husband, AJ, and I have struggled with our entire 12 year marriage.

I had out first daughter, Lyla, in 2009 after our first successful round of IUI. A little more than two years later we conceived our second daughter, Phoebe, on a third round of IUI. I gave birth to her at 35 weeks via cesarean section due to a condition I had called placenta previa.

Not quite two years after her birth we decided to try for a third baby and we went straight to our fertility doctor- thinking we would again conceive fairly easily through the process of IUI.

However, things didn’t work out according to our “our plan” and we spent the next five years trying to get pregnant.

In those five years I had three minor surgeries to remove uterine polyps from my uterus and we did 16 rounds of IUI. Yes- sixteen! None of them resulted in a positive pregnancy test.

We also did two rounds of IVF in 2015- one with fresh embryos and one with frozen embryos. They both ended in chemical pregnancies.

We took a couple years off from treatment and lived our life as a family of four. It was so good for our souls! We went to Disneyland, we learned to be content in our situation and our hearts healed–but mostly we didn’t live every moment worrying about our next fertility treatment.

In 2018 our hearts were turned toward the idea of doing IVF again. We learned my husband’s insurance through his place of employment now covered a good portion of fertility treatments. With guarded hearts and a lot of faith we moved forward with IVF in April 2018. We were able to create several healthy embryos and chose to implant one.

The day after Mother’s Day we got the news that we were pregnant! We were incredibly excited, humbled, shocked and grateful.

Soon after I was battling intense morning sickness and fatigue that lasted until my 20th week and lingered on for the duration of my pregnancy. I suffered some pretty bad prenatal depression toward the end of my second trimester and into the beginning of my third that became a trial I didn’t anticipate.

I also had the usual aches and pains of pregnancy. I had Braxton Hicks starting at 20 weeks and sharp pains in my groin that made it hard to stand up or sit down for long periods of time. And as hard as it all was, feeling my baby move and cradling my growing belly kept me excited and grateful, and I can say 100% that I would go through it all again to get our sweet little Ivy here.

Throughout my pregnancy at every prenatal appointment I would discuss with my doctor my plan to have a successful VBAC delivery. She was very supportive of that and also very conservative with wanting to make sure we did it carefully. We wanted to avoid the possibility of having a uterine rupture due to my previous c-section.

I would have wanted to be induced at 37 weeks due to my anxiety, but my doctor was very clear that it would be safer to avoid being induced when trying for a VBAC. We both hoped that I would go into labor naturally.

At 38 weeks I was dilated to a 1.5 and my doctor stripped my membranes to try and help things along. Because of that and the fact that I was having so many contractions I was convinced I would go into labor that night.

Nope. Nothing happened.

At my 39 week appointment I was one day away from my due date. My doctor then told us we could go ahead and schedule an induction because I had made it to 40 weeks.

She surprised my husband and I when she told us we could even go in the next night to be induced. She stripped my membranes again in hopes of me going into labor on my own before then, but that didn’t happen.

So the next night we left for the hospital around 9 PM full of excitement and anticipation, and before we knew it, we were checked in, I was in a hospital gown and hooked up to the monitors and receiving my IV.

My doctor didn’t want to start me on Pitocin right away. She inserted what we call “the balloon thingy” that they fill with saline that is supposed to help expand the uterus so the cervix can dilate on its own. It wasn’t too painful- just uncomfortable. Soon the contractions started to get stronger and painful. I knew it was a good sign and hoped that it meant for a quick delivery.

A couple hours later our nurses came in and told us that the baby’s heart rate was continually going down with each contraction. They were concerned about it but wanted to monitor it. I asked why it was happening and was told it could be because the baby was laying on her umbilical cord wrong, it was around her neck or she just didn’t like the side I was laying on. So I was alternating being on my left and right side quite frequently trying to regulate baby’s heart rate.

They then suggested that if I wanted an epidural that I should have it then in case they needed to send me in quickly for a c-section.

The epidural is something I definitely wanted and I just pushed away any anxiety about it because I knew it had to be done. I held my husband’s hand and the anesthesiologist went to work. At one point my husband got super light headed and felt like he was going to pass out just from watching the doctor and not actually seeing the needle in my back. The nurses told us that was pretty common!

After my epidural it was a waiting game. I couldn’t sleep even though it was well into the evening/early morning. Every half hour or so our nurses would come in and update on our baby. My doctor was at her house but had access to the monitors at home and she was also aware of what was going on.

Around 3 AM they took the balloon thing out and that’s when my water broke. I was also dilated to a six at this point–it had done its job and I was in active labor. There was some miscommunication and I was then given Pitocin for a couple hours even though my doctor did not tell them to give it to me. Once she realized it, she made them stop because it was making me have really strong contractions (which we wanted to avoid because of wanting to avoid uterine rupture).

From about midnight to 7 AM the nurses put me in different positions to try and get the heart rate to stop dipping down. They gave me an oxygen mask to wear and that seemed to help a lot.

During those hours I was a nervous wreck worrying about our baby.

During this time I was convinced that I just wanted to do a C-section again. I wanted her out and didn’t want to wait for her heart rate to be in danger. We told the nurses that we were not at all opposed to a C-section and that we would prefer that if we needed to. 

Around 7 AM the baby’s heart rate and oxygen were continuing to decrease with every contraction and I was still only around 6 or 7 cm dilated.

They also discovered that although she was head down, she was posterior–meaning she was facing up.

They put a giant peanut shaped Styrofoam pillow between my legs and had me lie on my side for a couple hours. This was supposed to help her turn face down.

By 9:30 AM nothing had changed with her heart rate and I was feeling super scared and nervous and just wanted her in my arms.  AJ and I decided that we were going to push for a C-section at this point because we didn’t feel it was worth waiting it out to see if she would improve.

The charge nurse came in shortly after and asked how I was doing. I burst into tears.

I was exhausted and worried. We told her that we just wanted to have a C-section. That we were worried all night about her heart rate continuing to dip and it wasn’t worth it to us to have a VBAC at that point. The nurse was very understanding and told us she would advocate for us to our doctor to get started with a C-section.

But first, she said, she needed to check me to see where I was at.

She then excitedly told us “actually you are having this baby now!” I was at a 10 and the baby had turned face down.

I couldn’t believe that it was actually time and we would be meeting this little miracle that we had waited so long for in just a matter of minutes.

Within ten minutes our doctor was in the room (she even beat all the nurses) and we began to prep for pushing.

There were about four or five nurses surrounding me, one held my left leg and my husband held the other.

Pushing for me is so hard.

I couldn’t catch my breath, my oxygen mask kept getting in my face (looking back we should have just taken it off) and I was so tired. The nurses all cheered me on- telling me how awesome I was doing. And that morale really helped. After about ten pushes in under ten minutes she was almost here!

I was losing steam though. That is until one of the nurses told us her heart rate was not good and I had to get her out right then. And with that motivation, I gave a final push and our sweet baby girl was born.

I couldn’t catch my breath for a minute but as soon as I did I took in the miracle baby girl we had created and prayed for, as they laid her on me. She was screaming but it was the most beautiful sound ever. After waiting for her for so long it was the most incredible feeling to hold her in my arms. Both my husband and I cried tears of joy, happiness and relief.

She was here and she was worth the wait.

Wasn’t that so inspiring? I love Cindy’s story, her faith, and her story! Infertility sucks and it’s so common. It’s important to remember that you’re never alone in your struggle, and there’s always hope! Thanks so much to Cindy for sharing her story on the Honest Birth series! Make sure you follow Cindy on her blog https://infertilitees.com/ and on Instagram at @infertili.tees and @cindymaudsley. And check back next month for another Honest Birth post!

The post Honest Birth #27 featuring Cindy Maudsley appeared first on Life With My Littles.

Today I am so, so excited to share with you guys all the details about “Preggers,” MY BOOK!

What is “Preggers” about?

First of all, you’re probably wondering what “Preggers” is about. “Preggers” is a straightforward, informative, candid, relatable, laugh out loud guide to pregnancy, from trying to get pregnant all the way up to labor and delivery. I included some of my popular (updated) blog posts in the book, but most of “Preggers” is new content. There aren’t very many (if any) pregnancy books that are actually fun to read and still informative, and the ones that are informative have way too much information and are too medical (at least in my opinion). I wanted “Preggers” to be funny, helpful, and honest, and I wanted it to cover everything you could possibly think about that is related to pregnancy. I didn’t want it to be overwhelming, and I wanted to make sure that it was actually useful and had good tips in it. I wanted pregnant mamas to read it and be like “that’s exactly how I feel!” I wanted to prepare them for what to expect, and help them know that there are a lot of weird and totally normal things that happen during pregnancy, and they aren’t the only ones who experience them (like vaginal varicosities!). I also wanted it to be helpful whether you’re a first-time mom, or a third-time mom, and there really is something for everyone to enjoy in “Preggers.”

A little history…

In August 2015 my husband was in Texas for the month and I was driving with Little J and Little A from Idaho to Utah to visit my sister. I was listening to my favorite podcast all about pregnancy, Pregnancy Perfect, and the thought came to me that I should write a book. I’d been blogging all about pregnancy and babies for two years, so I knew I would want it to be about pregnancy, but that was about it. I dismissed the idea (because it was crazy) and tried to move on. But I couldn’t get the thought out of my head!

In January 2016 I decided to go for it. I sat down at a little table in our rental house in Rochester, Minnesota and made an outline. I decided how to split the book up, and then got to work on an outline. I wrote the section headings on different pieces of paper and then wrote down different topics for each of those sections. Eventually, I had ten pages of notes and I was all set to go!

Over the next few months I began writing, and I got through the introduction and first two sections. In May 2016 we moved from Idaho to Texas, my husband graduated from medical school, and at the end of the month, we found out I was pregnant with baby #3! I lost all motivation to do anything with that pregnancy, and my book got put on the backburner.

Little R was born in January 2017, and life with three kids under four provided little time to write. We moved again in July 2017 to Minnesota, and I decided that it was time to get moving on my book. My husband’s schedule was a lot less rigorous for a few months, and he took the kids to the park and to the movies several times so that I could have some uninterrupted time to write.

In October 2017 I finished the first draft. I went back through, made some changes and a lot of edits, and then decided it was ready for other people to test-read. I knew I loved my book, but I wanted to make sure it wasn’t just me! My best friend, sister, and two more friends read it, made some edits, and reviewed it for me, and then I went through again and made MORE edits! In December 2017 I sent the book to my editor (one of my college roommates!) and she finished it and sent it back in early January 2018. One more big edit and “Preggers” was officially done!

I should also mention that I knew very early on what the title was going to be, and what I wanted the cover to look like. When I was pregnant with Little R, I painted a big wooden board bright pink and had a good friend come over and take some pictures of my pregnant belly kneeling on the grass in front of it. I used that picture and designed the front and back covers as soon as I knew how many pages my book was going to be (because it determines how big the spine is going to be!).

Since I am self-publishing “Preggers,” there has also been a lot of formatting and designing that I’ve had to do, as well as more businessy (yes, businessy) things like filing a copyright, getting a Library of Congress number, and getting the ISBN numbers. It’s a lot of work to self-publish a book, but I wanted to be 100% in control of all the little details, and it’s paid off!

When and where can I get it?

“Preggers” is available in an ebook and as a paperback book, and it will be published on March 6th, 2018. March 6th is my oldest child’s birthday, and he’s the reason I started my blog, the reason I fell in love with motherhood, and the reason I am where I am today. He has no idea, but I owe him a lot. So he will forever share a birthday with my book!

You can preorder “Preggers” now over at www.PreggersTheBook.com, and if you order before March 6th, you can get the paperback version for 50% off! I wanted to do that as a special thank you to everyone who has supported me and followed this long journey!

I’m also hosting an amazing new mama giveaway with a few friends for a paperback copy and some of the best mom and baby items from my favorite stores (like Sweet N Swag, DockATot, Tubby Todd, and Bamboobies, just to name a few). Make sure you’re following me on Instagram because the giveaway is happening the week of March 6th and you definitely won’t want to miss it!

Thank you!

I’ve worked so hard to get to this point, and while my hard work isn’t over yet, it has already 100% been worth it! I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me, who has read my blog over the years, and who has supported me as I’ve worked to achieve this goal! I have had some serious blessings along the way and lots of answered prayers to make this dream a reality. My ultimate goal is to get my book into a national bookstore, so here’s to that (I’m coming for you, Barnes and Noble). But for real, every copy I sell means so much to me! I am so, so excited, so grateful for everyone who has already ordered their copy, and I can’t wait for everyone to read my book! Thank you!

The post “Preggers” by Chelsea Johnson appeared first on Life With My Littles.

Hey mamas! Welcome to the seventh post in my Honest Birth series! I’m excited to share another real mama’s birth story, because I think it’s so important to share our childbirth experiences with each other. My goal with this series is to provide a place for women to share their birth stories without holding anything back, as well as compile stories for pregnant mamas to read in preparation for their own childbirth experiences. Every mama is different and every birth is different, and I believe that when we share our stories we help each other.

Today I am featuring my friend Aubrey! I can’t remember how we initially connected, but I’ve followed Aubrey for a few years now. She writes The Mamahood Blog and runs The Mamahood Blog Community on Facebook, a group of over 23,000 where moms support each other and help each other out. Aubrey is super sweet and has the cutest little family! She and her husband have a son, a daughter, and two angel babies, and they live in Texas. Today she has agreed to share the birth story of her daughter!!

Ready to read her story? Let’s do it!

The Birth Story of Rain Grossen

To sit down and write my birth stories feels a little daunting because it’s been quite the roller coaster in getting our family here.

I was 24 years old when I had my first baby, just a year after being married. Being a mom threw me for a loop but it was and still is one of the most beautiful experiences!

Two years later, we decided to plan it out perfectly for a second child to come. I knew I would get pregnant rather quickly so I thought I could just plan it exactly how I wanted and it would go exactly how I planned. I couldn’t be more wrong!

My second pregnancy I went in at 8 weeks and they found a dying heartbeat. The baby was measuring small, had a faint heartbeat, and had a 20% chance of surviving. It lived for about 4 more weeks after that and I would go in every week for an ultrasound to find the heart rate decreasing until it stopped. Probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through.

A few surgeries, infertility specialists, and another miscarriage later, I had an IVF specialist tell me that I wouldn’t be able to keep a healthy pregnancy without medical help (IVF). This news was also very heartbreaking to me, but I kept trying to move forward and went and got a second opinion.

This doctor had me try a couple things. I was on progesterone and Lovenox (for Factor 5 which I was able to discover I had because of my sister delivering a stillborn at 38 weeks. But this is something I wish they would test every woman for).

The pregnancy was vital and I ended up carrying a healthy baby and was set to be induced at 37 weeks for medical reasons as well.

Here is my rainbow story:

On Monday I went in to be induced. They wanted to ripen my cervix and have me spend the night at the hospital to deliver the next day.

The next morning around 7AM they came in and started me on Pitocin. We waited a few hours and they kept upping the amount to help with contractions. My husband was constantly making me laugh. He would feed me some ice chips and say “Just pretend this is cheesecake!”. We were so giddy and busting up at the funniest things. The nurse kept walking in saying, “Your contractions must not be hard enough yet if you’re laughing this hard!”

A couple hours in, I was a 2-3 and kept slowly progressing. They came in and broke my water around 10AM and after that, my contractions hit really hard. Pretty soon after that I started to have really bad contractions and it felt like all of it was in my lower back. They felt like they were on top of each other. I finally begged to have the epidural because I was in so much pain.

Around 11AM the anesthesiologist came in and raised the bed as high as it would go. They had my husband stand in front of me and made everyone else leave the room. Let’s just say I kind of caused a big scene. With my first, the epidural really wasn’t that bad, but this time around I could feel it completely and so I think I screamed at the top of my lungs and then broke down into this horrible sob! And right after I said something like, “It’s okay, I’m so sorry!” Everyone was able to laugh about it (after I was out of pain, thank goodness!) The anesthesiologist said, “I’m pretty sure everyone in this hospital heard when the needle went in.” I probably embarrassed my poor husband, but I hated that thing. I was so happy to have the pain gone to enjoy the birth afterwards though.

I labored for another 5 or so hours and all of a sudden they could see her head. So they got the doctor and I pushed for about 15-20 minutes. My family lives in another state, so we had them all on Facetime in the corner.

The one thing I requested was to have them put her straight on my chest. So they made sure to do that before recognizing anything was wrong.

The nurses kept coming over to rub her and to get her to cry a little harder to clear out her lungs. They took her to the bed across the room and I lost it. When you are with someone non-stop for 9 months, that separation is so real.

After they took her to run a few test, my doctor looked a little worried. In fact, her neck started to go blotchy so I knew something else was up. She said that my placenta had basically exploded all over in me and I was hemorrhaging. She got another doctor to come in and both of them had their arms inside of me up to their elbows trying to clean me all out. I lost so much blood that I ended up needing a blood transfusion.

Baby Rain was taken to the NICU for transition, but that turned into 24 hours, which turned into 3-4 days, which turned into a week, which turned into the longest 8 days ever. I don’t know how mamas survive months in there. So rough.

Each day she got better and better. I loved coming and seeing one less cord on her little body.

The last night we got to “room in” at the hospital with her, just to make sure she’d eat normally if it was in a setting of just us. The boys stayed at the hospital with us and we made a little vacation out of it. The next day we were discharged and I can’t even tell you how happy I was to finally be going home and to have a healthy baby! My heart broke for the babies and parents that had to stay there for weeks and months because our week felt like an eternity. I have grown a new respect and love for NICU families.

We named her Rain because during the few years of miscarriages and heartache, every time it rained (and I’m talking southern rain) I would take my toddler, and we would go dance and splash around in the puddles. It was our happy. Baby Rain is our rainbow after a lot of heartache and we feel like we finally hit the jackpot in getting her.

If you’re in the midst of your storm or heartache, hold on just a little bit longer. Fighting for your family to get here can be rough! Life has a way of turning around and it’s usually for the better if you just keep holding on. Motherhood is something divine. I have felt God’s hand every time I’ve given birth to a healthy baby or a miscarriage, or walked the halls of the NICU. We aren’t meant to do this alone.

The post Honest Birth #7 featuring Aubrey Grossen appeared first on Life With My Littles.

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of e.p.t. The opinions and text are all mine.

Getting pregnant is not as easy as the movies make it seem.

In my life, I have gotten way more negative pregnancy tests than positive ones. In fact, it’s not even close.

A few months after my husband and I got married, we decided we wanted to start our family. We tried for months to get pregnant, but each cycle kept ending with negative pregnancy tests in the trash. We went to doctors and they couldn’t find anything wrong, and told us that there was nothing they could do until we had been trying for a full year.

Twelve months and many more negative pregnancy tests later, I still wasn’t pregnant. We went to the doctor again and they did some more tests to try and see what was going on. Medically, it didn’t look like anything was wrong. I think we both just wanted them to find something to explain why I wasn’t getting pregnant. I was tired of all the negative test, disappointment, and tears. I just wanted to be a mother.

Any woman struggling to get pregnant might be familiar with this scenario. We finally got our positive test after 15 months and some infertility treatments. But lots of women don’t get that test for much longer. It can be incredibly hard to go through infertility, and unless you’ve been there yourself, you really don’t know what it’s like.

While we were struggling, I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to besides my husband, and it was especially hard for me to deal with it when it felt like everyone around me was getting pregnant so easily.

Today I want to talk about what to do when you get a negative pregnancy test, because when I was facing the long months of negative tests, I wish I would’ve had a resource to help me know what to do.

1. Cry. I think it’s important to let out the feelings you have instead of bottling them up. We can’t move on and keep trying if we are drowning in negative emotions. So cry, let it all out, and breathe when you are done. Sometimes that’s all you need to feel better.

2. Tell people. It’s okay to tell people and to talk about it. Every person is different, but I really do wish I had had more people to talk to about what I was feeling. Yes, I had my husband and he was great, but infertility is a big deal and sometimes you need a little bigger support system, whether it’s online or in your community, or even just your best friend. Don’t feel like you need to hide what you are going through because I guarantee you know people going through the exact same thing.

3. Know you’re not alone. You are absolutely not alone. One in ten women struggles with infertility, so think about all the women you know and then remember that 1/10th of them are going through or have gone through what you are. It sucks and it’s so hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. I really do wish people would talk about it more because we need all the support we can get.

4. Try again. Please don’t give up. It’s okay to take a month or two off of “trying” and just relax and not worry, but don’t give up. Have faith and try again. Some months are going to be harder than others, but don’t let infertility and those negative pregnancy tests define you.

5. Stay positive. This is probably the hardest thing to do, but it is also one of the most important. It’s okay to cry and feel sad, and I’m not saying you should pretend you aren’t upset when you get that negative test. But try and stay positive and don’t stress out about it. Things happen when they are supposed to (don’t you hate that?) and while you are waiting for your positive test, try and enjoy other people’s children. Ask to babysit, throw baby showers for friends, and read uplifting books and talks. It will make a difference and help you be able to go through the journey stronger and with more confidence.

All of those negative tests were hard, but I finally got a positive one 15 months later. The joy canceled out all of the heartbreak I had felt, and I felt so lucky to finally be pregnant.

The post What to Do When You Get a Negative Pregnancy Test appeared first on Life With My Littles.

“When are you going to have a baby?” she asked me hopefully. There was no malice in her voice, her eyes were full of excitement, and she was clearly just asking a question to make conversation.

“Oh, I don’t know. We’ll see,” I shrugged, giving a polite smile and quickly changing the subject.

To someone who has never struggled with infertility, a simple question about someone’s future children seems so innocent. But to someone who has been trying to get pregnant for months, it is a heartbreaking reminder of your ongoing battle to make a baby.

After the first few months of trying, you start to wonder if something is wrong. You record your basal body temperature every morning to see when you are ovulating and use ovulation predictor tests every month so you have sex at the right times. When that doesn’t help, you might seek fertility counseling and have lots of hormone tests done. Your husband will get tested, too, to make sure he isn’t part of the problem. But when everything comes up fine, your doctors say sorry and tell you to come back after you’ve been trying for a year.

Each month you have ridiculous sex during ovulation, and then wait two painful weeks to see if it worked. You want to get pregnant so bad that you convince yourself that you are nauseous or extra tired or that your boobs are sore. That makes it even worse when the pregnancy tests are all negative and then the month ends in your period.

When you can’t get pregnant, it feels like all of your friends are getting pregnant and leaving you behind. You watch their bellies grow and their babies be born, and as much as you want to be happy for them, you feel like crying every time they post a new picture of their perfect baby.

After a year, when you are clinically “infertile,” doctors will start talking about other options. Ovulation medication, fertility treatments, hormone injections, and on and on. You start seriously considering expensive fertility treatments and wonder how much you can afford to spend to make a baby.

The question “when are you going to have a baby?” is just a reminder that your body isn’t working the way it’s supposed to. It is a reminder of the roller coaster of emotions you ride every single month. It is a reminder of all the days and nights you spend crying because it still isn’t happening. It is a reminder that what you want the most is to experience pregnancy and hold your own newborn baby in your arms. It is a reminder that you have no idea when you are going to be able to have a baby.

But that’s not something you mention in casual conversation. When someone asks “when are you going to have a baby?” you don’t unload the stress you’ve been feeling for months, or even years, about the pain you’ve felt while trying to get pregnant. You can’t tell them about the battle you’ve been having with your own body because if you try you are just going to break down. So you try and be casual and brush it off with a “oh, I don’t know, we’ll see,” and then try to quickly change the conversation.

It took my husband and I 15 months to get pregnant, plus a round of ovulation medication and an IUI. But for some women, it takes longer. Some women struggle for years.

So don’t ever ask someone when they are going to have kids. Don’t judge someone for having a job instead of having kids, or traveling instead of having kids. You might think someone has their priorities mixed up, but they might be going through the biggest struggle of their lives, or maybe they aren’t and they just aren’t ready for kids. Either way, it’s not your decision, and you have no place to push them.

And if you’re the one who keeps getting negative pregnancy tests, you are not alone. If you are the one who feels like she is bipolar because of the ups-and-downs of trying to get pregnant, you are not alone. If you are the one who can’t look at social media because every time you see another friend’s pregnancy announcement you cry, you are not alone.

You are not alone. And you should never feel like you are.

The post What It Feels Like When You Can’t Get Pregnant appeared first on Life With My Littles.

You don’t really think about it until you’ve experienced it yourself. But after several months of trying to get pregnant, anyone asking you when you are going to have kids feels like a slap in the face.

For someone who is trying everything they can to get pregnant, having someone even casually mention the fact that they need to start their family is enough to start a waterfall of tears. While outside you may be keeping it together, inside you are completely falling apart.

It took us 15 months to get pregnant with out first baby. We tracked my basal body temperature for months, I laid on my back with my hips propped up after trying, we were tested for different problems, and we prayed morning and night for the blessing of a child. In the end, it took a round of Clomid and an IUI for us to finally get pregnant with our little boy 15 months after we started trying. It was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done.

But that’s not something you mention in casual conversation. When someone asks “how are you?” you don’t unload the stress you’ve been feeling for months, or even years, about how much of a roller coaster trying to get pregnant has been.

You worry if something is wrong with you, or you’ve done something wrong and are being punished. You fear that you will never be able to experience pregnancy and holding your own newborn baby in your arms. You cry every time you get your period, and every time you see a baby or a pregnant woman, you have to hurriedly rush away to stop your emotions from getting the best of you.

Put yourself in that woman’s shoes. Imagine someone comes up to you and after talking for a while, they ask you when you are going to start your family. They tell you that you should start soon because you’ve been married for a while. You know that they are judging you for something you have no control of. But you can’t tell them about the battle you’ve been having with your own body because if you try you are just going to break down. So you try and be casual and brush it off with a “oh, I don’t know, we’ll see,” and then try to quickly change the conversation.

Are you the person that is asking something they shouldn’t? Are you the one judging people for not having kids?

You are not the one who decides when someone should have kids. Having children is such a personal decision. It is between a man and a woman, and nobody else can tell them when they should start their family. There could be other things going on in their lives that you have no idea about that might make having a child impossible at the moment. Everyone is dealing with trials, and most of the time, they are far more difficult than the ones you are going through.

When we were trying to have a baby, I was an emotional wreck. It felt like I was bipolar because I would get so much hope every time I would ovulate and then for two weeks I would be excited and optimistic and then reality would hit with my period each month and I would be miserable for two more weeks. And then it all started over again. Month after month.

So please, I am begging you, stop asking other women when they are going to have kids. Stop judging them for having a job instead of having kids, or traveling instead of having kids. Stop judging each other for things you know nothing about. Because while you might think someone has their priorities mixed up, they might be going through the biggest struggle of their lives, or maybe they aren’t and they just aren’t ready for kids. Either way, it’s not your decision, and you have no place to push them.

The point is, never ask someone when they are going to have kids. Because to someone struggling with infertility, that is the worst possible question you could ask.

The post Why You Should Never Ask Someone When They Are Going to Have Kids appeared first on Life With My Littles.

Many women grow up dreaming of becoming a mother. But nobody tells you how hard it is to make a baby. Before you get the wrong idea, I want to tell you that I am not talking about sex. I am talking about the process of getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and being pregnant. Making a baby is by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. This isn’t something I have shared with many people because it’s not really something you broadcast. I also don’t want you to think that I am complaining about how long it took us to get pregnant. Lots of people aren’t able to get pregnant due to physical reasons, and I am very blessed that in the end, I was blessed with a pregnancy. I just want to share so that if you are struggling with infertility and trying to make a baby, you won’t feel alone. I want to help others feel peace during one of the hardest things they may ever experience.

When the Mister and I got married, I had been on birth control for a few months. I took the pill for about a year before I stopped taking it and we started trying to get pregnant. I knew I wanted to be a mother, so I was attempting to get the Mister on board only a few months after we had gotten married. Having a baby is a big decision, and the timing is different for everyone. We prayed a lot and talked about it and really took it seriously. When we finally felt that we were ready to start our family, we started trying to get pregnant. It took us 15 months of trying, plus recording basal body temperatures, using ovulation predictors, fertility counseling, several doctor visits, tests for both the Mister and for me, a round of ovulation medication, and an IUI before I finally got pregnant.

Trying to get pregnant for us was physically demanding because of all the things we had to do, but it was mostly hard because how emotionally draining it was. I felt like each month I was on a roller coaster. I got so excited when I was ovulating and the hope that maybe this time it would happen. Then it would all come crashing down with a negative test and my period each month. Fifteen months we went through that. I don’t even know how much money we spent on pregnancy tests. We could have just waited to find out if I missed my period each month before testing, but anyone who has ever tried to get pregnant knows how eager you are to find out if you are going to be parents this time. I spent a lot of days and nights crying because it still wasn’t happening.

For the first two years we were married we lived in Provo, Utah, where we were both attending Brigham Young University. So for almost the entire time we were trying to get pregnant, we attended church in a married student ward where every other girl was getting pregnant and having a baby. I am not saying that it is bad that a lot of young LDS couples want to start families quickly. We did, too. It just makes it ten times harder when it seems like all of your friends are getting pregnant and you keep seeing negative pregnancy tests. And since infertility isn’t really a happy or accepted thing to talk about, you just suffer through it together with your husband while everyone else is being blessed with the one thing you want most in the world.

After several months of trying, you start to wonder what is wrong with you and what you might be doing wrong. You wonder if you will ever become parents and you start seriously thinking about expensive fertility treatments. It is really painful and it starts to consume you. You can’t think of anything else. But you just push through and try to keep hoping that your prayers will be answered.

And you know what? They will be. I guess the whole point of writing this is to remind people who are going through it that one day, you will become a parent. Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will become a mother or a father. If you aren’t struggling with infertility, this is to remind you that it is way more common than you think. Don’t ask people who have been married for a few years when they are going to have kids because while they might casually play it off, inside they are hurting and wish they could tell you.

One of the most important things that got the Mister and me through this hard time was to have faith in the Lord’s timing. He knows exactly what is best for us and when it will be best for us. The hardest thing for us is to have faith in Him. “For ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith” (Ether 12:6). Sometimes it just takes longer than anticipated.

For some people, making a baby will be easy. It may even come as a surprise. They will have other trials in their lives that they will have to deal with. For me, making a baby was the hardest thing I have ever done. Remember that you are not alone. I have heard studies report one in ten couples struggle up to one in six couples. People just never talk about it so you never really know who around you might also be dealing with it. If you are one of the people trying to make a baby and you feel like you just keep failing, remember to never give up. Keep trying. And if after a year you still haven’t gotten pregnant, get help.

Because no matter how hard it is, how discouraged or emotionally drained you feel, I promise, it is all worth it.

The post Making a Baby is the Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done: Our Struggle with Infertility appeared first on Life With My Littles.