As a new mom, it can be hard not to look at other moms and ask “how do you do it?” But here’s why you shouldn’t compare yourself to the moms who seem to have it all together.
When I was a new mom, I would look at myself in the mirror and compare myself to moms with four kids who seemed to have it all together. My hair was sticky and frizzy and theirs was perfectly curled and free of any spitup. I wore sweatpants with holes in the knees and they wore tight-fitting skinny jeans with confidence. While I struggled to stay on top of laundry and throw together dinner from a cardboard box, they had a perfectly organized home with gorgeous decorations their kids didn’t destroy and a home-cooked meal on the table right as their husbands walked through the door.
I felt like I wasn’t measuring up and I had no idea how anyone could ever have more than one kid.
But then my baby started growing up, I started getting into a routine, and I figured out that showering at night was a lot easier and gave me time to get ready in the mornings. I started cooking dinners with more than three ingredients and felt like I was sort of nailing being a mom.
Now I have two kids and a successful business, and most of the time I feel like I’ve got it together.
But I still look at other moms and wonder “how do you do it?”
How does a single mom of three manage to get food on the table and keep her kids in clean clothes while working two jobs and living in a two bedroom apartment?
How does a mom whose husband is gone for months at a time for business or because he’s in the military maintain a positive attitude and continue raising her kids like it’s not a big deal?
How does a mom who has had three miscarriages keep trying even when her doctor tells her that the odds are stacked against her?
How does a mom with four kids under three manage to find time to take care of herself, her kids, her husband, her house, and her aging parents?
There is always going to be a mom who has a harder or crazier or more unpredictable life than me. There is always going to be a mom who seems like she is keeping it all together, despite the challenges she faces in her life. No matter what stage of life we are in, there is always going to be that mom you ask “how do you do it?”
I am amazed by the strength and courage of other moms who face trials way harder than my own and still manage to seem like they are rocking it. Being a mom is hard, and when you add in a bunch of other factors, it can seem like an impossible job.
I think that answer to “how do you do it?” is that we just do. We are always adjusting to the changes in our lives, whether that be the ages of our kids, our personal lives, our relationships, our homes, or things out of our control. After a while, things just seem normal and you figure out that you can make dinner and hold your baby at the same time, or that you can sort laundry while brushing your teeth with your left hand. And then after a while you may even decide to add another baby into the mix. And you just do it.
So new moms, don’t look at all the things that seasoned moms are doing. Don’t look at their challenges and how many kids they have and how wonderful everything they bake is. Don’t think that you’ll never get there. You will. You can’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle, and that is extra true in motherhood. Where you want to be might seem so far away, but you’ll get there. And then one day, someone will ask you how you do it, and you can smile and tell them you just do.