There are lots of gift guides out there that say they have the “best gift ideas for babies” or the “most unique/educational/tried-and-true toys for babies.” Those lists are great, but that’s not what I’m going to share with you. Today, I’m going to tell you what your baby really wants for Christmas. They may have dropped a few hints by constantly trying to get these things, but if you’ve missed the hints, here are some suggestions of what babies really want for Christmas:
1. Outlets. There’s just something so mysterious about those tiny holes in the wall that they aren’t supposed to shove things in.
2. Their pet’s tail. I know this is a hard one to wrap up in a box, but maybe just add a bow to your dog’s tail on Christmas morning?
3. Shoes. Specifically, dirty shoes in their mouths. The dirtier the shoe, the more your baby is prone to lick it.
4. Scraps of paper. Specifically 24 lb. paper.
5. Empty boxes. The bigger, the better, but any size works, really. Especially if they can put things inside of them.
6. Milk. From the boob, from the bottle, it doesn’t really matter. MILK.
7. Remote control. No matter what your baby is into, remote controls are universally pleasing.
8. Earrings. Specifically, earrings that are already in ears. Just be ready for the pulling. If you bought earrings that looked like tiny Christmas bows it would be even easier to gift these.
9. Dog food. It’s like the mysterious forbidden fruit that all babies have to try at least once.
10. Dishwasher or laundry pods. Now I’m not saying to give this one to your baby, but they do want them!
11. Makeup. Lipstick, mascara, blush, eyeshadow, eyeliner. It doesn’t matter what. As long as it can be used incorrectly to make a mess, your baby will be thrilled.
12. Markers. Specifically permanent markers.
13. Internet routers. Prepare yourself for lots of disconnections.
14. Phone chargers (or cords in general). There’s something so fun about hiding these, especially when Mom or Dad need them!
15. Hair brush. Have you ever seen a baby try and brush their own hair? They love it!
16. Cell phones. Even babies who aren’t allowed to play with cell phones are constantly trying to steal them away from parents.
17. Trash. Especially trash from the kitchen or the bathroom.
18. Toilet water. A nice big bowl to play in? It’s like a baby’s dream. Splash, splash, splash.
19. Toilet paper. How fast can they unroll it? Faster than you can stop them.
20. Keys. They’ve been everywhere, and the next place your baby wants them is in his mouth.
21. Cords for window blinds. Sure they may be incredibly dangerous, but they look so fun!
22. Tupperware. There’s just something so intriguing about pulling every single piece out of your drawer.
Hopefully one of these more “unique” gifts to give your baby will spark your interest. Because I guarantee any of them will make your baby’s day!
Merry Christmas, mamas!
Obviously, this list is meant to be satirical. Please don’t get your baby a bowl of toilet water for Christmas. I shouldn’t even have to say this, but I know someone is going to comment and be like “this list is terrible” because, the internet.